Ruby [Supernatural]

Hit me.

[ooc: Also can be used for mun contact. Just mark ooc.]

[ooc: After this.]

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore."


As soon as he was gone, she regretted agreeing he should go. Part of her had wanted him to, the part that was so scared she was actually shaking. It wasn't just that he was an angel, like she kept suggesting. Honestly, after getting so close with Gabe, that fear wasn't strong enough to mention anymore. It was enough that she avoided them, but hardly anything that'd keep her away if she had to approach one.

There was something about Michael, though. She wanted to run away and hide every time she saw him, but at the same time she wanted to stay with him and never leave. The whole thing confused her and brought with it one giant melting pot of emotion. There was anger, frustration, anxiety, weariness, and this longing she didn't know what to do with.

Ruby found herself falling back onto her bed and just staring at the ceiling. She was being pulled in a thousand different directions and she didn't know which way to go.

"Fuckin' Archangel."

At first she thought he was trying to disturb her. Not so unexpected from Dean Winchester. It wasn't until he made the comment about tackling her that she realized it. He really didn't know who she was, did he? No one had told him she was Ruby, let alone a demon.

Oh this was just too perfect. There was no way she wasn't taking advantage of this.

It was a long night, full of sweat and screams, and a Dean Winchester making sure he backed up his claims to stamina. Not that she was complaining. Hey, she couldn't stand the guy, but that didn't mean he didn't know his way around a woman's body. There was also the added bonus that he was getting his while making damn sure she got hers, all the while having no idea who she was. Certainly enough to drive her wild.

When they were finally done, Ruby collapsed beside him with a satisfied grin on her face. Oh the laughs she was going to have when the cat was out of the bag.

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

This was it, time to do her part in the big picture Azazel had painted with broad red strokes for his most trusted operatives. His death at the hand of the oldest Winchester had caused a good number to fall away, including Lilith herself, but not Ruby. No, this thing was going through if it killed her, which it probably would. Between the hunters and the demons who tried to secure their place of power, someone was bound to do her in sooner or later. Hopefully later.

This wasn't about the humans for her like it was for a lot of the others. She used to be one, remembered what it was like to skitter around like a headless chicken while the Lord sat around in his big chair and watched like it was prime time. It was that Lord who she had beef with, the way he Lorded himself all over the place but couldn't lift a finger when shit got bad. It was his way or the highway to Hell, no matter the rhyme or reason you did what you did. God of love? God of justice? Please.

Which is why she had to get to Sam. She had a year to get him to trust her before Dean went down under, and a move had to be made soon. It was just about picking the right moment to swoop in and save his ass, then everything would start to fall into place. He would object at first, frown with that puppy dog face at what had to be done, but sacrifices had to be made, even on her side. Eventually he'd understand. When her Lightbringer rose, he would lead them to sweet, sweet freedom, and when the dust cleared, this world would be better for all.

"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

Ruby was a bit overwhelmed by the enthusiasm with which he wrapped his arms around her.

"This is real, right?"

She grinned a little as she wrapped her arms around him and let her head sink comfortably into his shoulder. "Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

She heard Sam laugh a little as he shifted his arms to a new, more comfortable position. "Sorry. I just—I was starting to think you'd never get better."

Her eyes closed as she sighed, allowing herself to just rest against him, to take in that warm, safe feeling. "Not outta the woods yet, babe. I could relapse, real easy."

He pulled away from her, just enough to take her face in his hands. "That's not going to happen, okay? It's not."

Ruby studied his face before she nodded and leaned into him again. She was quiet for a while, focusing on his hands moving long her back and through her hair, trying to soak up every ounce of comfort he wanted to provide her.

She realized they couldn't stay like this forever, so she finally pushed herself back and gave him the best smirk she could manage. "So how much porn is cloggin' up your hard drive now? 'Cause I know you haven't gotten laid once these past couple of years."

She watched with amusement as the pink filled his cheeks and a hand went to the back of his neck. "Shut up."

Her mirth faded as her gaze wandered to the exit. She wasn't the powerful, confident demon she had made herself in her delusions; those doors terrified her.

"It's okay, Ruby," Sam mumbled in her ear. "I'm right here."

She nodded without looking back at him, then with a deep breath and a hand clutching the fabric of his shirt, she took her first step toward the reality that waited outside the institution.

She wanted to tell him—but at the same time, she didn't.

It's not like he'd mock her for it, even though she was a demon who he wasn't sure he could trust, and even if he didn't feel the same way. She knew he felt something, but—

The closest she could come was saying she wanted him. It was true, but never quite what she meant when she said it. Just a way of getting some of that emotion out without saying that one word that absolutely terrified her.

It'd come out eventually, when the time was right—maybe when she'd know for sure that whatever his response, it wouldn't be just leftovers from the past year.

Future self,

Please tell me you're not still dancing around this thing. I mean I guess it would depend on how far into the future you are, but come on. It's taken me this long to admit how I feel about Sam, and given I don't have a lot of options open, I figure eventually I should just go with it. Not right now, but eventually. I don't know if I'm ready to go there yet, and I don't think he is either. Really, I don't know if he wants to go there at all, but he's talking to me, right?

And I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up. Not working so much.

Just don't go passing up any opportunities, alright? Take whatever you can get from him cause chances are you don't have a lot of time here. Pride is not an option.

- Your past self

[ooc: Prompt here.]

Sam had been confined to a hotel room while Dean searched for Bela, and Ruby was making sure it stayed that way. As much as she understood being bored out of his mind, she couldn't have him running off and getting himself killed. Especially not when she had some very good ideas of how to entertain him that wouldn't likely result in his death.

His willingness surprised her a little. Sex with a demon? Was he even concerned there might be a girl trapped in there? There wasn't, but that was only because Ruby hated sharing. Whatever, if he wasn't arguing, she wasn't going to point anything out.

The clothes came off quickly enough, though she was sticking with the opinion that Sam wore far too many. It wasn't until he hit the bed and she'd climbed atop him that there was a problem.

"Sam?"

Mr. I-Lost-My-Rabbit's-Foot had knocked himself out on the headboard.

She patted his cheek to try to wake him, then moved her hands to cover nose and mouth.

No, wait, she couldn't do that. With his luck, she'd end up killing him.

"Damnit! Can't even get laid."

Death. It came for everyone. The rich and the poor, the beautiful and the grotesque, the righteous and the wicked, whatever their plight, all would succumb.

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die—"

It was not a truth she wished to hear, not now, not ever, and surely not from that Book. She had heard it over and over and over again these past few years. It tore at her mind like the thorns Christ had been crowned with on the day of His crucifixion, the day He supposedly gave His life for all of them.

Ridiculous nonsense, she thought. If He cared, He would have stopped this. He would have prevented this constant state of mourning, held back this plague that was upon them. She certainly tried to do so with her family, but the words spoken over her younger sister told her she was failing. It was not her time to die. It should not have been.

For attempting what He refused to do, she would be punished. When death finally came for her, she would be damned to spend her eternity in His prison for her witchcraft. She wouldn't look forward to the horrors that awaited her, but if that was the kind of God He was, she thought it better to be where He was not.

I don't have many 'serious relationships', so let's go for the hypothetical here.

If I were to get serious with someone, I'd have to care, and I mean really care. I wouldn't just care how they affect whatever goals I have at the time, or even on a simple life or death level. I'd have to care about their general well being, not excluding their emotional well being. I'd be willing to hug, which I'd like to point out is not my favorite use of my body. If there are no hugs, it's probably not that serious.

I don't like to share (hence possessing the dead rather than the living), so yeah, there'd be monogamy. There may be an exception if they want a threesome or something, but that's only on very special occasions. Anyone who values their health would be smart to keep their damn hands off my partner.

I might be forgetting something, but that's pretty much it for me. Hugs and jealousy.

[Wishes are locked, bitch, I keep them to myself. Not like they're coming true.]

I wish I knew my birthday. Those parties look fun—the cake, the ice cream, the presents, and that's just the kid stuff. Everybody treats the birthday girl extra special on her day. Who wouldn't want that?

I wish I remembered more about being human. Most of it's just feelings, or a fuzzy image in my head. Sometimes I'll smell something, be in a certain situation, and something'll come back to me. Otherwise, it's all a big blur.

I wish I still had my sister. I don't remember the rest of my family, just her. She was always looking out for me, even though—well, nevermind, probably doesn't count anymore. She's gone, life, for lack of a better term, goes on, at least for now. Doesn't mean I don't miss her.

I wish Lilith was still alive so I could kill the bitch myself. She's the one who sent me back to Hell and shit all over everything that meant anything to me.

Which leads me to my next wish. Since Lilith's already dead, I'd like to see Lucifer go down, not that I can do that myself either. At this point, just hoping I get to see Dean lay the smack down on his ass. Dean—who thought I'd ever be cheering him on.

I wish I'd done a better job of stopping all this. I should have just told them what was going down. Maybe things would have turned out different.

I wish I knew at least one demon who feels the same about this whole deal as I do. I mean, who wants an apocalypse anyway? I left Hell for this place, and I'd like it to stay the way it is.

I wish Britney Spears would just die already.

I wish Dean would listen, not that I blame him for not believing me. I mean, I'm a demon. Add to the the fact that he thinks I screwed his brother over and that pretty much seals the deal. I don't like him, never have, but I hate that Sam has to go behind his back to have anything to do with me. He probably shouldn't have anything to do with me—but I think it's becoming pretty clear the chances of either of us walking away are slim. I just wish we didn't have to sneak around, for Sam's sake.

I think most of all, though—I wish I knew what Sam feels when he looks at me. Used to I could sense things from him, but now—I guess it's different now that he's stronger. I still pick up a few things, but mostly he's blank. Mostly I'm going on just what I know of him. I know how I feel about him. Finally admitting it, after what? A century? Give or take a few decades. Now the only question is—how does he feel about me?

Come on, Ruby, just be honest with yourself. You can do that, right?

She was watching him again. No matter how many battles she fought or how hard she tried to forget him, she always came back to get a peek, and not even in that peeping tom sort of way.

They all saw it, so admit it already.

She'd had one job: keep him away from Lilith until the time was right. She'd planned to keep him away from her period, and Azazel's death hadn't come at a better time. Lilith saw her way out, a chance to die another day, because it would come eventually. The new plan didn't work out so much, so back to the original, and out with Ruby.

But through all that? Things became more and more about protecting Sam instead of just doing her job. She'd really wanted to save Dean, not because she liked the guy, but because Sam wanted to save him. The sure thing was his abilities, even if she knew that was part of the plan. After all, break the seals out of order and no apocalypse ever, right? Sounded win-win to her.

Come on, just—say it!

It took her a few minutes of following him with her eyes before she could finally force it out, and even then it was a slurred mumble.

"I love you, Sam."

She shouldn't. He was a hunter. Whatever trust he had in her was gone now. It was stupid, a weakness—but at least she was finally being honest with herself.

"There is no disguise which can hide love for long where it exists, or simulate it where it does not."

She's denied it for a while now, though not in the conscious sense. Whenever that hint of warmth would rise up in her, she would push it away because it was uncomfortable. She hadn't tried to identify what it might be, just shoved it down and forgot she'd ever felt it.

Now it's harder to ignore. Day by day, it's more intense. It lingers no matter how she tries to reign it in.

She knows what it is. It is something that shouldn't be there. It's stupid and pointless, and if she lets herself dwell on her knowledge of it she is disgusted with herself.

She's in love with her king.

It scares her, more than he himself scares her when he voices his doubts about her loyalty. Not just the feeling it, either. Every time he looks at her, she's afraid he sees it. It's humiliating enough just to know it herself. He doesn't need her, he doesn't want her. It's always been about Dean and it always will be.

She tries to convince herself it'll fade eventually. Just tough it out until then, hold it in no matter how strong it gets, and everything will be fine. He'll never know.

She's a good liar, but not that good.

[ooc: For this picture.]

Ruby watched from her hiding spot as Sam buried his brother. It was kind of sad, really. Not the death, which had to happen, but how broken up Sam was. That poor thing. Poor, sad little puppy that needed someone to pet him and make it all better. That'd come later. After all, she had to "escape from Hell" first. Now was the time to put the fun in funeral.

She waited until Sam and Bobby were long gone, then approached the freshly shoveled dirt.

"A cross for a grave marker." She tilted her head a little. "Not exactly the best choice for you, Dean."

She shrugged off her jacket.

"Though I have to say, sacrificing yourself to save your brother? Downright saintly of you."

Her shirt was next to come off.

"You know, except for the whole deal with the devil thing."

She reached to unbutton her pants.

"But—you were right about me. Even though I really do want Lilith dead—it's not for the reasons he thinks I do. Funny thing is, you're helping push our plans along right now—but I'm not here to talk about that."

She tossed the last of her clothes onto the pile that was a few feet away from her, a bright but mischievous smile on her face.

"I'm here to dance naked on your grave."

Oh, I don't know. Maybe it was being sent back to Hell when Lilith decided, hey, forget that I wanted to cop out when Azazel kicked the bucket, I'm back on track with the whole Apocalypse thing. Or maybe it was when the one demon I thought I could trust turned her back on me. Oh yeah, she thought she was doing me a favor, but that's besides the point. Could also be that said demon, who I still cared about by the way, was stabbed by Dickhead Winchester, who should have died and stayed dead a long ass time ago. She's gone now, and if I wasn't already alone in this world that's quickly and very literally going to Hell, I am now.

Really, pick one. I can't decide.

Ruby hated being trapped. It wasn't just about the confinement of the here and now. She hadn't lied to Dean when she'd said she remembered being human. This was just one of the things that brought back those memories.

The pyres hadn't quite caught on until a good century later, but she still wasn't quite sure if those girls didn't get the better end of it all. Yeah, it had to hurt like hell in a very literal sense, but it was quick and a good number of them were innocent. Ruby was left to rot in a lonely, dirty cell for months, reminded of where she was going whenever she finally bit the big one. This was what it would be like for the rest of eternity: separation from a family she now couldn't even remember, all because she wanted to outlive whatever it was that had people dropping like flies.

Or maybe she'd been trying to save said family. That part was fuzzy.

She stared at Sam as he told the personnel of the sheriff's office that she was here to help. Yeah, sure, help, but first things first.

"Are you gonna let me out?"

She felt the relief wash over her as she watched Sam scrape away the paint, not that any of it showed on the outside.

"And they say chivalry's dead."

Demons shouldn't bake.

Why she was baking, Ruby still hadn't figured out. Yeah, the world was ending, there was still a lot topside she hadn't experienced, she was bored—but baking?

Though she had to admit, the preparation part was kind of fun. The tasting, not so much. It took her a couple of times before she realized she probably shouldn't do the mixing with her hands, sulfur and what not. Even then something wasn't quite right.

When she finally had a batch of cookies she was satisfied with, she knew exactly what to do with them: deliver them to Sam. This had been her unconscious plan all along, but she ignored it. Think about it too much and she might have to admit her feelings, and that wasn't happening anytime soon.

Of course, she'd eaten half of them before she was able to safely approach, knock and take off. Wasn't her fault, it was Dean's.

She left the cookies by the door on a paper plate covered with plastic wrap. With them was a note: Throw them out if you want, but it took me a while to make something edible so you should be damn grateful. Listed below was her number and where she was staying. Whenever you're ready.

Compare Sam to an animal? Come on, I think everyone knows what I'm going to say.

A puppy. Not a dog, a puppy. I don't think I need to explain it. Just watch his face when he doesn't get his way and you'll see it. It's so adorable it makes me sick.

Puppy, Sam. You're a puppy.

There's a reason patience and long-suffering more often than not went hand in hand. You wait on something, you must want it. The more you wait, the more you want, and the more you think about the fact you don't have it.

Right now she was waiting, watching, wondering if he was aware of it. As much as she just wanted to say screw this and just go to him, she couldn't. There was too much at stake now on both their parts. If she were going to contact him, she had to be sure it was discreet. No need to drive a wedge between Sam and his brother, not after everything that had gone down in the past year.

Not to mention Dean would try to kill her on sight. Ruby still had things to do.

So it was wait. Watch. Suffer.

Damn that giant freak.

"Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself. Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards."

Ruby wanted her knife. If she thought she could get to it, she'd take it back in a heartbeat. Not for long, because they needed it more than she did, but she missed the damn thing. No need to worry with details, just slash, slice, stab. Simple. Without it, she had to stop and prepare herself, do the kind of digging a hunter would. Other demons would just find a human, but she wasn't other demons. People were more interesting alive. Plus, no matter how much she didn't want to admit it, part of her still hoped Sam would come around. The more evil she killed, the better.

The one she really wanted to kill was already dead. Lilith ruined everything for her, turned pretty much anyone and everyone against her. Not that she cared for the most part, but the exceptions were there. Even if Gwen was still alive, their relationship would never be the same. She still took Lilith's side over hers, still impersonated her, twisted Sam into something he hated to set Lucifer free. All Lilith's fault, but it didn't make it go away. Gwen being dead made it worse. No chance to reconcile.

And, of course, there was Sam. No explanation needed.

Right now, she was just working out her frustration. Later she'd get to the real issue: Lucifer. All this happened because of that bastard, and she wanted to do whatever she could to help put him back in his hole. Didn't matter what happened to her after. Just seeing him go down was worth it.